[Posted to Facebook earlier today]
I recently made a huge mistake: I sympathized with someone who was close to me and validated their position as a victim, where in reality they were a victim of themselves. I didn’t know. I wish I could take it all back and replace it with tough love, even if it would have meant being pushed away sooner.
In the span of one minute on Facebook today I saw two posts from people who I know, who I like, writing explicitly about numbing their feelings with drugs. One post essentially said that the world can expect to see them again in four years. What I am writing here is for everyone, but it’s mostly for you two and for people in similar situations.
You are not a victim – certainly not of the election, and not right now. You are ANGRY, though. And you are using the election as your excuse for whatever is holding you back. You have done that with other things. You are misdirecting your emotions.
Here’s the bottom line: Everything that happens to you is your responsibility. It may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility. No one cares about you as much as you do. No one has to deal with your shit, whether you did it or it was done to you. Stop blaming others, especially preemptively, for the upcoming four years of your life which have yet to happen. Deal with your situation. So what if it’s someone else’s fault? It’s your problem now. Fix it.
You will need to make allowances for others being selfish, greedy, lazy, everything that some people are – that’s your responsibility too. Make those allowances for yourself, especially if you are far from your goals. Some of you are beating yourselves up silently on the inside. It is impossible to be a decent human being to others when you don’t do the same for yourself. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true.
You have some poor coping strategies and bad habits. Everyone does. All of these are learned, which means that they can be unlearned. You may be in a really nasty mental cycle filled with self-hatred and shame. Somewhere in that mess of a mind, you know that things could be better. That you could be better. But you don’t know the way, so you revert to what you do know. Then you feel ashamed, and then cycle through your old bad habits to cope again.
Everything that happens to you is your responsibility. Not your fault, but your responsibility. That doesn’t mean that you have to deal with things alone. When you are in deep shit it is also your responsibility to ask for help. I am glad that you are angry. Anger is a fantastic tool to gain higher self-awareness. It can be very productive. Use it wisely. Exercise compassion and patience with yourself. Please, be kind to yourself.
And then take a bold step forward. You live once. Make it worthwhile.
(More to come. This has prompted me to resurrect my blog, because there is a lot more to write about this and it is important. It has nothing to do with the election. I hope that you read it.)